To those whose results are published in The Times today, well done and I hope you did as well as you wished. I rather like the thought of being labelled 'Competent' etc. When I did Bar Finals it was graded like a University exam and I got a Desmond, which was a good result. I was marshalling when the results came out and my 'friends' who were supposed to ring me went out drinking instead, leaving me waiting. I refused to drink the Champagne the Judges had got on ice for me until the Butler (yes, really) came in with a message he had 'taken from a rather drunk young gentleman who informs me he is certain of its accuracy, sir'.
The last I remember of the evening was my Judge going to bed, leaving me playing snooker with another resident/inmate of the lodgings with more stamina. The cue appeared to be curved about 60 degrees. I am certain that this was real and in no way attributable to drink. I was given the next morning off...
For those who have less than 3 weeks to go before Summer Season offers can be made, I wish you all good luck. Soon some - I hope all - of you will be flushed with success and dizzy with excitement. You will do as I did: go out with your mates, get pissed, ring home and fail entirely to recognise your own mother's voice - insisting that she is someone else. Or something like that.
When you have calmed down and sobered up do me a favour. Let me know what (if anything) I have suggested has worked for you. And let me know your thoughts on the OLPAS form and how it could be improved.
I have not forgotten the posts required. But I am waiting to see if I can offer rather more practical help than has previously been possible. That may not eventuate in which case I will tell you why not. I am not being deliberately cryptic - merely discrete. It is an unusual feeling.
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I promised them - whaddya gonna do?
A Successful Get Away from the Judge...
It does what it says on the tin.
Contact
simon dot myerson at netserv dot net
I am told that spelling it this way prevents spam. Feel free to get in touch.
I am told that spelling it this way prevents spam. Feel free to get in touch.
Posts - The major posts are listed first. They are the meat of the site and are updated regularly.
- An Introduction
- The Mini Pupillage
- The Application
- The Interview
- If At First You Don't Succeed
- A Pause for Thought
- Final Speech
- An Excellent Prospect - Or Not
- All Beginnings Are Difficult
- Becoming a Solicitor First?
- Sermon
- The BVC - Infallible Tool, Necessary Evil or Total Crap?
- What Type of Law Should I Do? (Part 1)
- What Type of Law Should I Do? (Part 2)
- What Type of Law Should I Do? (Part 3)
- What Type of Law (Part 4)
- What Type of Judge Will I Get (Part 1)?
- What Type of Judge Will I Get (Part 2)?
- Some Issues for the New A-G
- M.A.s and Other Further Academic Degrees
- How Was It For You?
- The BVC - Again
- Countdown
- Blawgs
- BVC Redux
- The, "Does My
ArseEgo Look Big In This?" Competition - Deferral of Call
- New Term, New Beginnings
- What Is A Good University (at which to read Law)
- Poll Results
- Root and Branch
- Have You Got What It Takes?
- The Size of the Bar
- Mature Entrants
Links
- Bar or Bust (Another Hopeful enters the Lists and isn't frightened to express his/her views)
- Bloody Relations (Family Law knowledge Based - Good for Students)
- Ruthie's Law (Knowledge Based/Bizarre)
- Defending People: The Art and Science of Criminal Defence Trial Lawyering
- The Pupillage Chronicles
- The Ramblings of a Paranoid Pupil (Oxbridge Pupil in Commercial Set. Does the BVC work?)
- Publawyer (Knowledge Based)
- Liadnan (General)
- Legal Beagle (Barrister)
- John Bolch (Knowledge Based)
- Martin George (Knowledge Based)
- Nearly Legal (Student/Knowledge Based)
- Geeklawyer (Discursive)
- Charon QC (Discursive)
- Legal Lass (Student)
- Barrister 2 Be (Student)
- Josephine Blogs (Student)
- Law Minx (Student)
- Scholarships and Sponsorships
- Useful info about scholarships - from Solicitors to promote harmony (ah)
- Olpas - the boring but necessary bit
- Baili - Free Cases!
- N E Circuit
Your Chance to Express Yourself...
The Myersonettes
I promised them - whaddya gonna do?
I am a barrister practising on the North Eastern Circuit - which is obviously the best in the country. I was suitably prepared for life at the bar by the constant, grinding, ceaseless and unremitting study of law.
I graduated in 1984, married Nicole in 1987 and moved from London to Leeds at the same time. Since then I have developed some sort of a practice, had 4 children (all girls as you can see above. And is that a CUTE photo or what?) and put on 2 stone and (according to my family though I can't myself see it) another couple of chins. I feel that I now conform to the public ideal of my profession, although I don't recall being an evil parasite who is only interested in bankrupting the Treasury. I simply strive towards four weddings and a bankruptcy.
We have a dog called Sally who is an outstanding example of the Heinz breed.
For my sins I support Leeds United - if you are tempted to laugh just remember that I sit as a Recorder, so I can send you to prison. The consolation used to be that the rest of my family is bound to Middlesborough AFC, which conclusively proved that every cloud has a silver lining. Now Middlesborough have been in Europe (and there wasn't even a war) there is no consolation - no wonder people turn to religion.
In keeping with my commitment to modernity, the website is relaunched as a Blog - only about 2 years after blogs became what everyone has. For the legal profession this is lightening fast. Truthfully, the need for rebirth is because I forgot how to update the website, lost all the passwords and began to feel that the site was losing what relevance it had.
You are reading this because you want, you mad fool you, to be a barrister. There are no guarantees but this will, I hope, help. Field testing suggests that it does - hence the strapline above which Ronseal (who do not pay me) should take as a compliment. If they sue I will post an appeal for a fighting fund.
I have included some useful links below and some less than useful jokes below that. The excuse is that it is everyone's job to wring as much pleasure from life as they legitimately (important word that) can and thus there should be the minimum possible divide between business and pleasure...
About Me
A Successful Get Away from the Judge...
Barrister Jokes
Please do not crack these in interviews and expect to get a Pupillage.
What's the difference between God and a Barrister? God doesn't think He's a barrister.
What's the difference between a barrister and a broken watch? Neither of them work - but the watch is right twice a day.
What's the difference between a BVC student and a mobile phone? A mobile phone comes with a plan.
What's the difference between a pupil and a mushroom? No difference, they're both kept in the dark and have loads of shit shovelled on them.
How many barristers does it take to change a lightbulb? How many can you afford?
The Barrister wakes up after surgery and asks; 'why are the curtains drawn?' The nurse says, 'there's a fire across the street and we didn't want you to think the operation was a failure.'
Why can't barristers have sex with their clients? To prevent double billing.
What happens to a barrister when he takes viagra? He gets taller.
What's the difference between a barrister and a duck? Once in a while the duck will stick its bill up its arse.
Why do surgeons love barristers? Because they're easy to operate on: gutless, with no organs except lips and arseholes - and those are interchangeable.
Barrister chat up line? 'I'm a barrister. I'm trained to get you off'.
Why did the barrister cross the road? To sue the chicken.
How do you get 100 barristers in a Mini? You make 1 a High Court Judge and the other 99 will crawl up his arse.
What do you get when you cross a barrister with a demon from hell? A barrister.
What's the difference between a barrister and a trampoline? You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.
What's the difference between a cat and a barrister? One is an arrogant creature which will utterly ignore you unless you can do something for it. The other is a pet.
On holiday with their respective families Joe meets Max who he hasn't seen for years. 'What are you doing with yourself these days' he asks. 'I'm a barrister' whispers Max, 'but don't tell my wife. She thinks I'm still a pimp'.
What's the difference between a barrister and an onion? You cry when you cut up an onion.
A client comes to Chambers for a conference and is told that her barrister has died. The next day she comes back and asks to see that same barrister. The receptionist says 'He's dead and you know that. Why are you asking to see him?' The client replies, 'I just love hearing it'.
A pupil was sent to a far-away town to represent a long-term client accused of robbery. After 3 days he won the case and the client was acquitted. Excited about his success, the pupil texted his pupilmaster "Justice prevailed." The pupilmaster replied in haste: "Go back in and ask for permission to appeal."
A London Silk goes shooting in Yorkshire and kills a pheasant, which falls into a field on the other side of a fence. As he climbs the fence, an elderly gentleman asks him what he's doing. The Silk responds, “I shot a pheasant and it fell in this field, I’m going into retrieve it.” The old farmer replies, “This is my property, and tha's not coming in.” The indignant Silk says, “I am in Chamber's Guide and the Legal 500. If you don’t let me get the pheasant, I’ll sue you!" The farmer smiles and says, “Tha' don’t know how we do things 'ere in Yorkshire. We settle disagreements like this wit' Three-Kick Rule.” The Silk asks, “What's that?" The Farmer replies “Fust I kick thee three times, then tha kicks me three times, and so on, back and forth, until one of us gives up.” The Silk quickly decides that he can easily take the old farmer and agrees. The farmer slowly walks up to the Silk. His first kick plants his heavy work boot into the Silk’s groin and drops him to his knees. His second kick nearly wipes the man’s nose off his face. The Silk is flat on his belly when the farmer’s third kick to a kidney nearly causes him to give up. But he summons every bit of his will power and manages to get to his feet and say, “Okay, you old bastard, now it’s my turn.” The old farmer smiles and says, “Nay lad, I give up. Tha can have t'pheasant.”
What's the difference between God and a Barrister? God doesn't think He's a barrister.
What's the difference between a barrister and a broken watch? Neither of them work - but the watch is right twice a day.
What's the difference between a BVC student and a mobile phone? A mobile phone comes with a plan.
What's the difference between a pupil and a mushroom? No difference, they're both kept in the dark and have loads of shit shovelled on them.
How many barristers does it take to change a lightbulb? How many can you afford?
The Barrister wakes up after surgery and asks; 'why are the curtains drawn?' The nurse says, 'there's a fire across the street and we didn't want you to think the operation was a failure.'
Why can't barristers have sex with their clients? To prevent double billing.
What happens to a barrister when he takes viagra? He gets taller.
What's the difference between a barrister and a duck? Once in a while the duck will stick its bill up its arse.
Why do surgeons love barristers? Because they're easy to operate on: gutless, with no organs except lips and arseholes - and those are interchangeable.
Barrister chat up line? 'I'm a barrister. I'm trained to get you off'.
Why did the barrister cross the road? To sue the chicken.
How do you get 100 barristers in a Mini? You make 1 a High Court Judge and the other 99 will crawl up his arse.
What do you get when you cross a barrister with a demon from hell? A barrister.
What's the difference between a barrister and a trampoline? You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.
What's the difference between a cat and a barrister? One is an arrogant creature which will utterly ignore you unless you can do something for it. The other is a pet.
On holiday with their respective families Joe meets Max who he hasn't seen for years. 'What are you doing with yourself these days' he asks. 'I'm a barrister' whispers Max, 'but don't tell my wife. She thinks I'm still a pimp'.
What's the difference between a barrister and an onion? You cry when you cut up an onion.
A client comes to Chambers for a conference and is told that her barrister has died. The next day she comes back and asks to see that same barrister. The receptionist says 'He's dead and you know that. Why are you asking to see him?' The client replies, 'I just love hearing it'.
A pupil was sent to a far-away town to represent a long-term client accused of robbery. After 3 days he won the case and the client was acquitted. Excited about his success, the pupil texted his pupilmaster "Justice prevailed." The pupilmaster replied in haste: "Go back in and ask for permission to appeal."
A London Silk goes shooting in Yorkshire and kills a pheasant, which falls into a field on the other side of a fence. As he climbs the fence, an elderly gentleman asks him what he's doing. The Silk responds, “I shot a pheasant and it fell in this field, I’m going into retrieve it.” The old farmer replies, “This is my property, and tha's not coming in.” The indignant Silk says, “I am in Chamber's Guide and the Legal 500. If you don’t let me get the pheasant, I’ll sue you!" The farmer smiles and says, “Tha' don’t know how we do things 'ere in Yorkshire. We settle disagreements like this wit' Three-Kick Rule.” The Silk asks, “What's that?" The Farmer replies “Fust I kick thee three times, then tha kicks me three times, and so on, back and forth, until one of us gives up.” The Silk quickly decides that he can easily take the old farmer and agrees. The farmer slowly walks up to the Silk. His first kick plants his heavy work boot into the Silk’s groin and drops him to his knees. His second kick nearly wipes the man’s nose off his face. The Silk is flat on his belly when the farmer’s third kick to a kidney nearly causes him to give up. But he summons every bit of his will power and manages to get to his feet and say, “Okay, you old bastard, now it’s my turn.” The old farmer smiles and says, “Nay lad, I give up. Tha can have t'pheasant.”
Count the Omer
And Counting...
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15 comments:
*Sigh* I wish! ( I've got another bleedin YEAR to go yet, though, mercifully I did pass all my First Year Stuff at the first attempt. I must say that If I'd failed, I'd probably have packed the whole thing in.....)
I already have a pupillage but having only recently found your blog I can assure you that most of what you write is helpful and would have been of great use to me when I was applying.
I find your blog encouraging and useful - obviously I am yet to start my BVC (6 weeks to go) or apply for Pupillage, so I cannot claim that it has actually helped me obtain pupillage - but I am hopeful!
If you have time, would you let me know how to marshall a judge or any advice on this - i don't know anyone that far up the chain!!
Thank you.
LL
This is all really helpful, thanks Simon!
One question I do have - how do you tell if a set is good or not? I have been applying to London criminal sets, and although it is easy to spot the best ones(generally because they themselves inform you) it is difficult with the others. Chambers and Partners only focus on a few sets and there is so little information out there about the others!
What should you look for when trying to work out whether a set is worth its salt or not?
"eventuate" ???
Is this the New York Bar?
Legal Lass - when I wanted to do some marshalling I asked my old university tutor and she put me in touch with a number of people.
Depending on what you want to do, maybe you could write to the resident Judge at your local Crown/County court? It's worth a try.
Legal lass: the Inns have contacts which can help with setting up marshalling, so it's worth contacting your Inn.
Amy.
Thanks to all those who have helped Legal Lass. The Inns are supposed to be able to arrange Marshalling and the idea of writing to the Resident Judge at your nearest centre is a good one.
Troubled Barrister is also right on the money for Jenny. I would add that it's worth looking at those who sit as Recorders or Tribunal Chairs etc. Also check the Attorney General's lists of counsel for members (available publicly at http://www.attorneygeneral.gov.uk/sub_our_role_panels.htm
)
Anything where some members of Chambers have been successful in open competition gives you an idea.
I feel all warm inside. A community - where people help each other. Thank you.
Now to Mr Pineapples...
Nope. It's a word from the OED. 'Eventuate' is also in Fowler's New Modern English Usage which records that it was first used in the 18th century. True, it was derided by De Quincy in 1824 as 'Yanekeeish'. But I think that in the last 200 odd years we might be permitted to use it - although 200 year old Judgement do seem to appeal to a certain type of barrister... Anyway Samuel Smiles used it in 1873 and that's good enough for me. The man is a hero.
Moral: a good vocabulary is never wasted.
Have a nice weekend y'all.
Ah ! "Eventuate" - of course - we all use it. Much of Americanism is derived from Ye 0lde English - e.g. attorney.
Let's bring back crap-uate English I say.
Sherry, Simon & Monium,
Thank you so much - I will be scribbling away to the recomended parties as soon as I log off!
LL
p.s sorry for late reply - have limited access to the internet!
Book opened - bets being taken. Almost as thrilling as the spoilers for the latest (last!) Harry Potter instalment - note one "l").
1. You're opening your own Set and pursuing the objectives of (i) selection entirely on merit and (ii) vast pupillage awards.
2. You're putting together your own BVC (and seeking validation) - fees at 1980's levels!
3. You're taking the Queen's shilling i.e. a full-time judicial appointment.
Am I close? Am I ...
I have tried, without success to persuade my own Chambers of the vast award - and I actually believe that we select on merit. But no. The truth is far less exciting and more mundane I'm afraid. As for judicial appointment. No.
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