Having just done a podcast with fellow QC Charon (not, however, in my Chambers), I am hyperventilating quietly. As I suspect is the case for most of us, my initial reaction on hearing myself speak is to wonder who that prat is. That was quickly followed by exactly the process I go through as I come out of Court; namely asking myself why I said what I said in the way that I said it and berating myself for not saying other things, whilst simultaneously wondering at my own idiocy (I know how many tenancies there are - 533 - so why did I say I didn't?). I also counted the number of times I said "uuummm", but stopped when I started crying.
If that is to give the impression I didn't enjoy it (surely not - Ed), that would be entirely false. Like most barristers I like the idea of being allowed to pontificate on things. The great American comic Tom Lehrer defines a philospher as someone who enjoys giving advice to people who are happier than he is. If the cap fits...
But do have a listen and see if it helps.
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I promised them - whaddya gonna do?
A Successful Get Away from the Judge...
It does what it says on the tin.
Contact
simon dot myerson at netserv dot net
I am told that spelling it this way prevents spam. Feel free to get in touch.
I am told that spelling it this way prevents spam. Feel free to get in touch.
Posts - The major posts are listed first. They are the meat of the site and are updated regularly.
- An Introduction
- The Mini Pupillage
- The Application
- The Interview
- If At First You Don't Succeed
- A Pause for Thought
- Final Speech
- An Excellent Prospect - Or Not
- All Beginnings Are Difficult
- Becoming a Solicitor First?
- Sermon
- The BVC - Infallible Tool, Necessary Evil or Total Crap?
- What Type of Law Should I Do? (Part 1)
- What Type of Law Should I Do? (Part 2)
- What Type of Law Should I Do? (Part 3)
- What Type of Law (Part 4)
- What Type of Judge Will I Get (Part 1)?
- What Type of Judge Will I Get (Part 2)?
- Some Issues for the New A-G
- M.A.s and Other Further Academic Degrees
- How Was It For You?
- The BVC - Again
- Countdown
- Blawgs
- BVC Redux
- The, "Does My
ArseEgo Look Big In This?" Competition - Deferral of Call
- New Term, New Beginnings
- What Is A Good University (at which to read Law)
- Poll Results
- Root and Branch
- Have You Got What It Takes?
- The Size of the Bar
- Mature Entrants
Links
- Bar or Bust (Another Hopeful enters the Lists and isn't frightened to express his/her views)
- Bloody Relations (Family Law knowledge Based - Good for Students)
- Ruthie's Law (Knowledge Based/Bizarre)
- Defending People: The Art and Science of Criminal Defence Trial Lawyering
- The Pupillage Chronicles
- The Ramblings of a Paranoid Pupil (Oxbridge Pupil in Commercial Set. Does the BVC work?)
- Publawyer (Knowledge Based)
- Liadnan (General)
- Legal Beagle (Barrister)
- John Bolch (Knowledge Based)
- Martin George (Knowledge Based)
- Nearly Legal (Student/Knowledge Based)
- Geeklawyer (Discursive)
- Charon QC (Discursive)
- Legal Lass (Student)
- Barrister 2 Be (Student)
- Josephine Blogs (Student)
- Law Minx (Student)
- Scholarships and Sponsorships
- Useful info about scholarships - from Solicitors to promote harmony (ah)
- Olpas - the boring but necessary bit
- Baili - Free Cases!
- N E Circuit
Your Chance to Express Yourself...
The Myersonettes
I promised them - whaddya gonna do?
I am a barrister practising on the North Eastern Circuit - which is obviously the best in the country. I was suitably prepared for life at the bar by the constant, grinding, ceaseless and unremitting study of law.
I graduated in 1984, married Nicole in 1987 and moved from London to Leeds at the same time. Since then I have developed some sort of a practice, had 4 children (all girls as you can see above. And is that a CUTE photo or what?) and put on 2 stone and (according to my family though I can't myself see it) another couple of chins. I feel that I now conform to the public ideal of my profession, although I don't recall being an evil parasite who is only interested in bankrupting the Treasury. I simply strive towards four weddings and a bankruptcy.
We have a dog called Sally who is an outstanding example of the Heinz breed.
For my sins I support Leeds United - if you are tempted to laugh just remember that I sit as a Recorder, so I can send you to prison. The consolation used to be that the rest of my family is bound to Middlesborough AFC, which conclusively proved that every cloud has a silver lining. Now Middlesborough have been in Europe (and there wasn't even a war) there is no consolation - no wonder people turn to religion.
In keeping with my commitment to modernity, the website is relaunched as a Blog - only about 2 years after blogs became what everyone has. For the legal profession this is lightening fast. Truthfully, the need for rebirth is because I forgot how to update the website, lost all the passwords and began to feel that the site was losing what relevance it had.
You are reading this because you want, you mad fool you, to be a barrister. There are no guarantees but this will, I hope, help. Field testing suggests that it does - hence the strapline above which Ronseal (who do not pay me) should take as a compliment. If they sue I will post an appeal for a fighting fund.
I have included some useful links below and some less than useful jokes below that. The excuse is that it is everyone's job to wring as much pleasure from life as they legitimately (important word that) can and thus there should be the minimum possible divide between business and pleasure...
About Me
A Successful Get Away from the Judge...
Barrister Jokes
Please do not crack these in interviews and expect to get a Pupillage.
What's the difference between God and a Barrister? God doesn't think He's a barrister.
What's the difference between a barrister and a broken watch? Neither of them work - but the watch is right twice a day.
What's the difference between a BVC student and a mobile phone? A mobile phone comes with a plan.
What's the difference between a pupil and a mushroom? No difference, they're both kept in the dark and have loads of shit shovelled on them.
How many barristers does it take to change a lightbulb? How many can you afford?
The Barrister wakes up after surgery and asks; 'why are the curtains drawn?' The nurse says, 'there's a fire across the street and we didn't want you to think the operation was a failure.'
Why can't barristers have sex with their clients? To prevent double billing.
What happens to a barrister when he takes viagra? He gets taller.
What's the difference between a barrister and a duck? Once in a while the duck will stick its bill up its arse.
Why do surgeons love barristers? Because they're easy to operate on: gutless, with no organs except lips and arseholes - and those are interchangeable.
Barrister chat up line? 'I'm a barrister. I'm trained to get you off'.
Why did the barrister cross the road? To sue the chicken.
How do you get 100 barristers in a Mini? You make 1 a High Court Judge and the other 99 will crawl up his arse.
What do you get when you cross a barrister with a demon from hell? A barrister.
What's the difference between a barrister and a trampoline? You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.
What's the difference between a cat and a barrister? One is an arrogant creature which will utterly ignore you unless you can do something for it. The other is a pet.
On holiday with their respective families Joe meets Max who he hasn't seen for years. 'What are you doing with yourself these days' he asks. 'I'm a barrister' whispers Max, 'but don't tell my wife. She thinks I'm still a pimp'.
What's the difference between a barrister and an onion? You cry when you cut up an onion.
A client comes to Chambers for a conference and is told that her barrister has died. The next day she comes back and asks to see that same barrister. The receptionist says 'He's dead and you know that. Why are you asking to see him?' The client replies, 'I just love hearing it'.
A pupil was sent to a far-away town to represent a long-term client accused of robbery. After 3 days he won the case and the client was acquitted. Excited about his success, the pupil texted his pupilmaster "Justice prevailed." The pupilmaster replied in haste: "Go back in and ask for permission to appeal."
A London Silk goes shooting in Yorkshire and kills a pheasant, which falls into a field on the other side of a fence. As he climbs the fence, an elderly gentleman asks him what he's doing. The Silk responds, “I shot a pheasant and it fell in this field, I’m going into retrieve it.” The old farmer replies, “This is my property, and tha's not coming in.” The indignant Silk says, “I am in Chamber's Guide and the Legal 500. If you don’t let me get the pheasant, I’ll sue you!" The farmer smiles and says, “Tha' don’t know how we do things 'ere in Yorkshire. We settle disagreements like this wit' Three-Kick Rule.” The Silk asks, “What's that?" The Farmer replies “Fust I kick thee three times, then tha kicks me three times, and so on, back and forth, until one of us gives up.” The Silk quickly decides that he can easily take the old farmer and agrees. The farmer slowly walks up to the Silk. His first kick plants his heavy work boot into the Silk’s groin and drops him to his knees. His second kick nearly wipes the man’s nose off his face. The Silk is flat on his belly when the farmer’s third kick to a kidney nearly causes him to give up. But he summons every bit of his will power and manages to get to his feet and say, “Okay, you old bastard, now it’s my turn.” The old farmer smiles and says, “Nay lad, I give up. Tha can have t'pheasant.”
What's the difference between God and a Barrister? God doesn't think He's a barrister.
What's the difference between a barrister and a broken watch? Neither of them work - but the watch is right twice a day.
What's the difference between a BVC student and a mobile phone? A mobile phone comes with a plan.
What's the difference between a pupil and a mushroom? No difference, they're both kept in the dark and have loads of shit shovelled on them.
How many barristers does it take to change a lightbulb? How many can you afford?
The Barrister wakes up after surgery and asks; 'why are the curtains drawn?' The nurse says, 'there's a fire across the street and we didn't want you to think the operation was a failure.'
Why can't barristers have sex with their clients? To prevent double billing.
What happens to a barrister when he takes viagra? He gets taller.
What's the difference between a barrister and a duck? Once in a while the duck will stick its bill up its arse.
Why do surgeons love barristers? Because they're easy to operate on: gutless, with no organs except lips and arseholes - and those are interchangeable.
Barrister chat up line? 'I'm a barrister. I'm trained to get you off'.
Why did the barrister cross the road? To sue the chicken.
How do you get 100 barristers in a Mini? You make 1 a High Court Judge and the other 99 will crawl up his arse.
What do you get when you cross a barrister with a demon from hell? A barrister.
What's the difference between a barrister and a trampoline? You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.
What's the difference between a cat and a barrister? One is an arrogant creature which will utterly ignore you unless you can do something for it. The other is a pet.
On holiday with their respective families Joe meets Max who he hasn't seen for years. 'What are you doing with yourself these days' he asks. 'I'm a barrister' whispers Max, 'but don't tell my wife. She thinks I'm still a pimp'.
What's the difference between a barrister and an onion? You cry when you cut up an onion.
A client comes to Chambers for a conference and is told that her barrister has died. The next day she comes back and asks to see that same barrister. The receptionist says 'He's dead and you know that. Why are you asking to see him?' The client replies, 'I just love hearing it'.
A pupil was sent to a far-away town to represent a long-term client accused of robbery. After 3 days he won the case and the client was acquitted. Excited about his success, the pupil texted his pupilmaster "Justice prevailed." The pupilmaster replied in haste: "Go back in and ask for permission to appeal."
A London Silk goes shooting in Yorkshire and kills a pheasant, which falls into a field on the other side of a fence. As he climbs the fence, an elderly gentleman asks him what he's doing. The Silk responds, “I shot a pheasant and it fell in this field, I’m going into retrieve it.” The old farmer replies, “This is my property, and tha's not coming in.” The indignant Silk says, “I am in Chamber's Guide and the Legal 500. If you don’t let me get the pheasant, I’ll sue you!" The farmer smiles and says, “Tha' don’t know how we do things 'ere in Yorkshire. We settle disagreements like this wit' Three-Kick Rule.” The Silk asks, “What's that?" The Farmer replies “Fust I kick thee three times, then tha kicks me three times, and so on, back and forth, until one of us gives up.” The Silk quickly decides that he can easily take the old farmer and agrees. The farmer slowly walks up to the Silk. His first kick plants his heavy work boot into the Silk’s groin and drops him to his knees. His second kick nearly wipes the man’s nose off his face. The Silk is flat on his belly when the farmer’s third kick to a kidney nearly causes him to give up. But he summons every bit of his will power and manages to get to his feet and say, “Okay, you old bastard, now it’s my turn.” The old farmer smiles and says, “Nay lad, I give up. Tha can have t'pheasant.”
Count the Omer
And Counting...
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2 comments:
Simon... thank you for doing it.,
Of course, as everyone knows, you are a real QC.. and I just gave it to myself.... but, then again, I am a figment, a fiction.... not of the real world... or some may say, not even of this world, judging by some of my posts.
Good podcast... Thanks - Of course, I have the easy bit - the questions. Must be a change for you to answer questions :-)
Charon.
Hi Simon,
I listened to your podcast with interest. It was good to hear you pull yout blogthoughts together in reasoned conversation - and it was nice, if a bit strange to put a face to the voice to the name!
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